Alan flashed her a sparkly, sarcastic smile. "In that case, thank you for being such an important part of my day-completing process."
Sally crossed her arms. "Guys like you make me wish I was a lesbian."
"Only if I can watch," Alan said in his best wholesome voice.
"...then maybe I'd be in a relationship where there's some equality," Sally continued, ignoring him.
"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that," said Alan patronizingly. "There's always someone in control of a relationship, even same-gendered ones."
"Not necessarily," Sally countered. "I mean, someone's bound to be more dominant about money matters, and more passive about--say, which movie they're going to go see on the weekend. It'll all even out."
"And *I* say there's a natural top and bottom to every relationship," said Alan. "It just naturally works itself out like that! We're programmed. Biologically. We can't do anything about it."
Sally rolled her eyes. "I don't believe you."
"Don't believe what?" asked Denny Crane, as he Denny Craned into the room with a drink in his hand. "Alan, Sally."
Alan turned to him and asked in a too-loud voice, "Denny, if you and I were going to share a night of hot, steamy, passionate man-sex, who would be the top?"
"I can't even believe you'd ask that," said Denny, taking a drink from his glass. Sally smirked at Alan and opened her mouth to speak, but Denny continued, "Denny Crane! Denny Crane always tops."
"Thank you, Denny." Alan turned back to Sally. "You see? I suspect you would be a bottom, because you like to argue. Arguing means someone's there telling you why you're wrong, and that's a submissive trait."
Sally, having had enough of this for one day, shot him an eyeful of daggers and stalked out of the room.
"That was a beautiful scowl, Sally!" Alan called after her. "Now my day is, indeed, complete." He turned back to Denny once the door had closed behind her. "Now, about that night of steamy man-sex. Nine o'clock okay for you?"
"Make it ten," said Denny. "I need a shower after work."
"I like showers," said Alan jauntily. "Nine it is."
a/n: Alan is off the wall as usual and his words are not supported by the author, lol!