Title: Saavikology
Author: Farfalla the Butterfly-Kitten
Email: blueberrysnail (at) yahoo.com
Website: http://cosmicduckling.com/saavik.html for Saavik stuff that's less silly
Series: TNG/TOS
Characters: Troi&LaForge, Saavik, Kirk/Spock implied (and vague reference to R/T)
Rating: G, parody/humor


Deanna Troi was standing at her desk arranging a lamp when she noticed Geordi LaForge walking past her office. "Good morning, Geordi!" she called out to him through the open door.

He stopped and turned his head. "Morning, Deanna! Mind if I come in? I smell hot chocolate."

"Piping hot," Troi replied with a grin. "Help yourself!"

While LaForge entered the room and poured himself a mug of hot chocolate from the fake stone carafe, Troi continued to play with her light fixture.. "Do you like my new lamp?"

"Looks very tropical," LaForge commented. It was shaped like a little palm tree, and the miniature lightbulbs were crafted to represent coconuts. "Where'd you get it?"

"Pier One-Thousand," answered Troi.

"That's Captain Saavik's new export business, isn't it?" LaForge asked. He put the mug down on a wicker coaster on Troi's desk, waiting for it to cool.

"Yes, it is," Troi affirmed. "Everything has a very... colonial feel to it."

"Well, that makes sense," said Geordi. "Don't they mainly deal in colony-produced goods?"

"Yes, but I really have no idea what palm trees and wicker furniture have to do with the ice-floe research stations on Hoth VI." Troi stood back from the lamp and eyed it critically. She couldn't decide if it looked better in the corner or at the center of the back of the desk...

"Speaking of Captain Saavik," said LaForge, calling her attention back from the coconut lamp. "There's something I've always wondered about her."

"Yes, Geordi, what is it?"

"I know Vulcans are supposed to be very strong, but all the ones I've ever seen are thin. How come Captain Saavik's so big? I mean, she must weigh over two hundred pounds."

"Not many people know the answer to that," Troi replied cryptically, with a smug little smile. She crossed her arms across her chest.

"Do *you* know?"

"I know because I got curious, just like you, and I did some research."

"What's the reason?"

"You're quite correct when you point out that Vulcans are built to be thin," Troi began, "but Captain Saavik is only half Vulcan."

"Yeah, I know that," said LaForge. "Isn't the other half Romulan? I always wondered how that happened."

"That's what many people think," said Troi, "but those are only rumors. She's actually half Human, like me."

"Really?" LaForge tested his drink again, but it was still too warm to drink comfortably.

"Well, to be more accurate--she was the offspring of a Human and someone who is half-Human and half-Vulcan, and she was born from a full-blooded Vulcan woman... so genetically, she's only a quarter Vulcan, but was raised Vulcan."

"That's confusing." LaForge blinked. "Half-Vulcan? Wait--you can't be talking about Ambassador Spock--they've been denying that rumor for years!"

"That's only because of another rumor they've been denying for years."

"Spock--and Captain Kirk?"

Troi nodded sagely. "Kirk and Spock provided the genetic material for Saavik's creation, and she was carried to term in the womb of a Vulcan surrogate. For personal reasons, this information is kept strictly classified."

"So Captain Saavik gained weight because of her Human DNA?"

"She gained weight because of Captain Kirk's DNA," Troi corrected. "He was a large man."

"Yeah, I know; I've seen pictures," LaForge agreed. "How do you know all this?"

"I had a personal conversation once with Ambassador Spock," Troi explained. "He doesn't seem to be worried about the rumors anymore, probably because it's all so long ago now. He's led such an interesting life--romance included--a completely unique situation.... a telepathic half-human in a ship of mundanes, in love with a human...."

"Look who's talking," LaForge pointed out with a wink. Troi blushed.

Then she noticed that his cup had stopped steaming. "Looks like your chocolate finally cooled down," she pointed out. She lifted her mug towards him.

LaForge lifted his mug back at her, toasting, "To Captain Saavik, and tropical imports."



Bonus points for everyone who caught all the Kirstie Alley references. No disrespect intended!!!

Saavik fanfiction by Farfalla
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