Written on a hotel notepad while hiking Grizzly Creek, from ideas fomented on a hike in the
Maroon Bells the day before.
"I should have known he was up to something--the last words I ever heard him say to me began with
'perhaps you're right'."
K/S, K/Mc by Farfalla
blueberrysnail @ yahoo.com
Rated PG; angsty
Kirk smirked sadly at McCoy from across the folding table in his cabin. He'd relinquished the bridge
of the hijacked Enterprise to Sulu for the night, in a perhaps foolishly optimistic attempt to get
some rest. "I'm sorry he had to do that to you."
"I just wish I'd known what was going on at first." McCoy drained his glass. "Would have made going
insane a little easier on my mood."
"You're not insane," Kirk reassured him. "Hey, at least in your case, we know what's happened and we
can fix it. The Vulcan healers will know what to do. Sarek told me."
"Ordinarily, I'd feel some kinda trepidation at having some holy woman running rampant through my
mind, but Spock up there keeps reassuring me that there's nothing to worry about."
"I hope he's right," said Kirk. "It's good that you're not as worried as you usually would be,
though. After all, they're healers, just like you... it's only... logical... that they be trusted to
do what they do best."
"Logical," McCoy muttered in an echo.
"Like the sound of the word, Doctor?" Kirk smiled slightly. "It's been rather interesting to watch
you turning Vulcan."
"Turning into *a* Vulcan, a *certain* Vulcan. Well, at least it explains why I've been," McCoy
paused. "Suddenly attracted to you." He didn't look at Kirk, instead casting his eyes downward
"You? Really?" Kirk blinked numbly.
"Yeah, you can imagine how weird that feels." McCoy shifted in his seat.
"You've always been straight as a laser beam," Kirk commented.
"I know, and it's what I'm used to. I like it there," said McCoy. "But now that I'm sharing my
brain--and my body--with someone else, I guess I've got to deal with where *he* wants to take
"Well, what does *he*," asked Kirk, "want you to do?"
McCoy looked up, then back down, then up again. "Well," he started, "we're both adults."
Kirk sighed. He'd had physically affectionate feelings for his doctor friend, long in the past, that
had never been seriously expressed out of courtesy for McCoy's preferences. "Well, for one thing,
once we get Spock's body back to Vulcan, he'll be out of your head and he'll take his orientation
with him," said Jim carefully. "But you'll still be left with all the memories of everything you've
done as a joined entity. By that time, it won't seem as pleasant. Who knows; you might even draw
away from my friendship as a response."
These words were difficult for Kirk to say. His latent attraction was being teased and taunted in
the most intimate way possible, but he was resolved not to exploit Bones's temporary weakness in
such tumultuous times. Their lives were in disarray; something had to be the anchor against
McCoy nodded suddenly. "I guess you're right. I'm just gonna have to control this along with the
rest of my insanity."
"I'm sorry, Bones."
McCoy just grunted. There was a long silence, after which he mumbled, "Would it be all right if I
kissed you?" Kirk pondered. "I'm sorry, Jim," McCoy continued. "I'm all mixed up."
Kirk looked deeply into those friendly blue eyes, torn so with confusion. "Okay," he said simply. It
was too late at night for willpower to apply to kisses, and he longed for the simple human contact
After what he'd lost.
McCoy rose without a word and circled the table to Kirk's seat. He started to lean over, but Kirk
stood to meet him.
Their mouths met and soon blended into a practised kiss. For a fleeting moment, Kirk found himself
postulating what-ifs of a different past. He breathed in deeply the gently masculine scent of
//My own...// *Spock!*
Jim's body lost all sensation as he clawed frantically with his mind, struggling to hold onto that
treasured essence. //I can't leave you.//
//As long as I exist, in any form, I shall love you, James Kirk.//
Coming back to physicality, Kirk became aware that the space between his face and McCoy's was slick
with tears. He pulled away slowly and wiped his eyes. "How was it?"
"Nice," McCoy commented serenely. "He.... talked to you, didn't he."
Kirk nodded slowly, still mopping his face. "I'm sorry you had to be a pawn in all this," he said
quietly once he'd regained his composure.
Bones smiled. "Nah, that's all right, Jim... I'm glad to be any kind of help to you two. I hate to
say it where he can hear me," he added, mock-grumbling, "but I really did like him. He was
interesting. He may be wreaking havoc temporarily in my gray matter, but at least now we can get his
soul home to rest safely, where it belongs."
*It belongs with ~me~.* Something inside Kirk fought fiercely, but he said only, "Thank you."
"Thank *you*," said McCoy. "That was some kiss!"
Kirk grinned with the half of his face that wasn't about to melt into tears again. He quickly waved
goodnight and headed for the door. "I'll see you in the morning, Bones. Have a good rest."
"Thanks, Jim. I'll try."
Kirk left the room and stopped in the hallway for a moment, stymied. Where to sleep? He had kicked
himself out of McCoy's bed before even getting there, and he certainly wasn't going back to his old
cabin. Not in this mood. Too many memories.
He headed for the one place on the ship he still felt the most at home.
"Admiral?" Sulu turned to face him from his seat in the captain's chair. "I thought you were going
"I am," said Kirk wearily, trudging to the science console. Collapsing into the chair that had once
been Spock's, he was asleep in minutes.
Meanwhile, in a cabin far across the ship, Leonard McCoy slept. Spock's memories lived in his