Written on a hotel notepad while hiking Grizzly Creek, from ideas fomented on a hike in the Maroon Bells the day before.


K/S, K/Mc by Farfalla
blueberrysnail @ yahoo.com
Rated PG; angsty

"I should have known he was up to something--the last words I ever heard him say to me began with 'perhaps you're right'."

Kirk smirked sadly at McCoy from across the folding table in his cabin. He'd relinquished the bridge of the hijacked Enterprise to Sulu for the night, in a perhaps foolishly optimistic attempt to get some rest. "I'm sorry he had to do that to you."

"I just wish I'd known what was going on at first." McCoy drained his glass. "Would have made going insane a little easier on my mood."

"You're not insane," Kirk reassured him. "Hey, at least in your case, we know what's happened and we can fix it. The Vulcan healers will know what to do. Sarek told me."

"Ordinarily, I'd feel some kinda trepidation at having some holy woman running rampant through my mind, but Spock up there keeps reassuring me that there's nothing to worry about."

"I hope he's right," said Kirk. "It's good that you're not as worried as you usually would be, though. After all, they're healers, just like you... it's only... logical... that they be trusted to do what they do best."

"Logical," McCoy muttered in an echo.

"Like the sound of the word, Doctor?" Kirk smiled slightly. "It's been rather interesting to watch you turning Vulcan."

"Turning into *a* Vulcan, a *certain* Vulcan. Well, at least it explains why I've been," McCoy paused. "Suddenly attracted to you." He didn't look at Kirk, instead casting his eyes downward glumly.

"You? Really?" Kirk blinked numbly.

"Yeah, you can imagine how weird that feels." McCoy shifted in his seat.

"You've always been straight as a laser beam," Kirk commented.

"I know, and it's what I'm used to. I like it there," said McCoy. "But now that I'm sharing my brain--and my body--with someone else, I guess I've got to deal with where *he* wants to take them."

"Well, what does *he*," asked Kirk, "want you to do?"

McCoy looked up, then back down, then up again. "Well," he started, "we're both adults."

"No, Bones."

"Why not?"

Kirk sighed. He'd had physically affectionate feelings for his doctor friend, long in the past, that had never been seriously expressed out of courtesy for McCoy's preferences. "Well, for one thing, once we get Spock's body back to Vulcan, he'll be out of your head and he'll take his orientation with him," said Jim carefully. "But you'll still be left with all the memories of everything you've done as a joined entity. By that time, it won't seem as pleasant. Who knows; you might even draw away from my friendship as a response."

These words were difficult for Kirk to say. His latent attraction was being teased and taunted in the most intimate way possible, but he was resolved not to exploit Bones's temporary weakness in such tumultuous times. Their lives were in disarray; something had to be the anchor against chaos.

McCoy nodded suddenly. "I guess you're right. I'm just gonna have to control this along with the rest of my insanity."

"I'm sorry, Bones."

McCoy just grunted. There was a long silence, after which he mumbled, "Would it be all right if I kissed you?" Kirk pondered. "I'm sorry, Jim," McCoy continued. "I'm all mixed up."

Kirk looked deeply into those friendly blue eyes, torn so with confusion. "Okay," he said simply. It was too late at night for willpower to apply to kisses, and he longed for the simple human contact once again.

After what he'd lost.

McCoy rose without a word and circled the table to Kirk's seat. He started to lean over, but Kirk stood to meet him.

Their mouths met and soon blended into a practised kiss. For a fleeting moment, Kirk found himself postulating what-ifs of a different past. He breathed in deeply the gently masculine scent of McCoy's cologne.

But then--


//My own...// *Spock!*

Jim's body lost all sensation as he clawed frantically with his mind, struggling to hold onto that treasured essence. //I can't leave you.//

//As long as I exist, in any form, I shall love you, James Kirk.//

Coming back to physicality, Kirk became aware that the space between his face and McCoy's was slick with tears. He pulled away slowly and wiped his eyes. "How was it?"

"Nice," McCoy commented serenely. "He.... talked to you, didn't he."

Kirk nodded slowly, still mopping his face. "I'm sorry you had to be a pawn in all this," he said quietly once he'd regained his composure.

Bones smiled. "Nah, that's all right, Jim... I'm glad to be any kind of help to you two. I hate to say it where he can hear me," he added, mock-grumbling, "but I really did like him. He was interesting. He may be wreaking havoc temporarily in my gray matter, but at least now we can get his soul home to rest safely, where it belongs."

*It belongs with ~me~.* Something inside Kirk fought fiercely, but he said only, "Thank you."

"Thank *you*," said McCoy. "That was some kiss!"

Kirk grinned with the half of his face that wasn't about to melt into tears again. He quickly waved goodnight and headed for the door. "I'll see you in the morning, Bones. Have a good rest."

"Thanks, Jim. I'll try."

Kirk left the room and stopped in the hallway for a moment, stymied. Where to sleep? He had kicked himself out of McCoy's bed before even getting there, and he certainly wasn't going back to his old cabin. Not in this mood. Too many memories.

He headed for the one place on the ship he still felt the most at home.

"Admiral?" Sulu turned to face him from his seat in the captain's chair. "I thought you were going to sleep?"

"I am," said Kirk wearily, trudging to the science console. Collapsing into the chair that had once been Spock's, he was asleep in minutes.

Meanwhile, in a cabin far across the ship, Leonard McCoy slept. Spock's memories lived in his dreams.