Summary: A Spock squicked by anuses approaches his first time penetrating Jim with both apprehension and anticipation.
Written in Starbucks to the fanfic100 prompt "Insides".

Inside Jim

Kirk/Spock by Farfalla; rated R

Inside Jim.

Soon, I will be with him in a way I have never before experienced, in a way that many humans deem to be the most profound of all sexual activities. Soon, we will become so close that our bodies will overlap, occupying the same physical space in the universe. It is the closest physical equivalent of the Vulcan mind-meld, and I anticipate that it has potential to be as physically rewarding as the mind-meld is mentally rewarding.

However, I am not with my apprehensions.

I have considered myself a scientist since my father walked me through designing my first experiment at the age of four, testing each trinket and seed I found around the house to see if it would float or sink in a basin of water. And no scientist of biology can easily be ignorant of the immense microbial cosmos that exists within the human rectum.

It is not that I find Jim unclean, unsuitable, it is merely that... I find his internal microflora distasteful. After all, I fell in love with *him*, not them. And I do not consider them one unit, as if they were colony organisms like the Terran algae Volvox.

He has been very patient with me. I originally believed that I should not consider him as a potential mate, because I know that many human male-male romances commonly include anal penetration. I knew, or thought I knew at the time, that I would never want to participate in any sexual act involving the anus, and concluded that it would be unfair for me to involve Jim in a relationship that would not satisfy this need of his.

I was foolish, of course, because the compatibility of our minds proved far stronger than this minor incompatibility of sexual tastes. Like any scientist, I welcome the possibility that I have been wrong. Gloriously wrong, in this instance, for Jim is the great joy of my life.

Jim has done without anal intercourse quite amiably, although I am sure he does things of which I have no desire to know the details when he is alone in the shower. However, although he never speaks of his unsatisfied need, I know it is there. I feel it when we meld.

It is a testament to the enormity of my affection for him that I have recently reconsidered my decision to refrain from anal play. Nevertheless, several more months passed before I discussed it with Jim. I had gone from being unwilling to participate in such acts to willing to experiment as long as I was properly gloved, as if I were in the lab, and possibly also inside the bathtub. This seemed perfectly logical to me, since bacteria such as E. coli are potentially lethal, but I feared Jim's reaction to my aseptic request. I did not want him to feel rejected in any way, or that I felt he was unwashed.

I should not have worried. Jim accepted my compromise with his characteristic amiability and a smile that rose my body temperature one point two degrees.

And so, I will be inside Jim soon. I will give him everything he needs the way he gives me everything that I need in a partner. And I am relieved that my scientific nature does not anger or hurt him--but then again, his acceptance of my nature is the first reason I love him.

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