Title: One Lonely Evening Online
Author: Farfalla, a.k.a. Marge :-p
Contact: blueberrysnail@yahoo.com
Series: TOS/Simpsons
Character codes: K/S, Smithers
Rating: Poetry?
Archive: Yeah sure spread the luv ;-) but somebody tell me about it first (if it's someone other than the regular ASCEM folks)? ;-D
My K/S website: http://spirk.cosmicduckling.com
Summary: Spock goes into a chat room and gets advice on his crush-from-afar from Waylon Smithers (from The Simpsons)

Disclaimer: The entire Trek universe belongs to Paramount, and Charles Montgomery Burns and Waylon Smithers belong to the Fox Network (I think), and neither will not suffer much from the poking and prodding of our curious collective imaginations. We mean our beloved characters no harm and think that quite possibly they enjoy the variety ;-) SoccerGator and SouthBeachMatt belonged to me, but I sold them on eBay and bought DVD's. I AM NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS STORY :-p



ONE LONELY EVENING ONLINE



((You have entered chat room 'M4M Have Crush'))

((This is an adult room. Posts may contain references which are sexual in nature))

VULCAN1701 has entered the room.

SoccerGator: Hi Vulc
SouthBeachMatt: Hey whats up
SoccerGator: a/s/l?
VULCAN1701: I do not understand the question.
SouthBeachMatt: What's up. What's going on. How are you.
VULCAN1701: I am familiar with Earth colloquial expressions such as "what's up". I was referring to "a/s/l?"
MalibuWaylon: They were asking your age, sex, and location without bothering to get into a real conversation. Don't worry about it.
VULCAN1701: I am male, and I am currently stationed on a starship. Will that suffice?
SoccerGator: Hey, what's with the stick up your ass?
SouthBeachMatt: I like that idea
SoccerGator: Wanna chat?
SouthBeachMatt: IM me.

SouthBeachMatt has exited the room.

SoccerGator has exited the room.

MalibuWaylon: Good riddance. Teenagers.
VULCAN1701: I find their blatant flirting fascinating.
MalibuWaylon: You'd get tired of it after a while. People always act like that in this room.
VULCAN1701: Overtly sexual?
MalibuWaylon: Yes. I suppose it's a natural reaction to the crushes we all have on out-of-reach handsome hunks in real life. *g*
MalibuWaylon: After all, that's the point of this particular room, right?
VULCAN1701: Indeed.
MalibuWaylon: So... tell me about your crush. If you don't mind.
MalibuWaylon: :-)
VULCAN1701: He is my commanding officer. We are close friends, but I have nothing to support any assumption that a romantic overture would be accepted. Thus I remain silent.
MalibuWaylon: Wow, that's tough. I'm in love with my boss too. We're pretty good friends, and I think I'm the only person he really trusts. I've pretty much given up all hope, though.
MalibuWaylon: What does your guy look like?
VULCAN1701: His hair and his smile are like gold, and his mind is sharp. He is brave and charming. What I cannot say to compliment him, cannot be said of anyone.
MalibuWaylon: Wow
VULCAN1701: His body resembles an Earth classical statue
MalibuWaylon: What, white and crumbling with age?
MalibuWaylon: Just kidding ;-)
VULCAN1701: Once, we encountered a strange plague that caused four members of our crew, including both the Captain and myself, to age rapidly. It pained me to see him so old so suddenly.
MalibuWaylon: Actually... my guy is kind of crumbling with age himself... but he keeps himself going through sheer force of willpower. He's a pretty forceful individual.
VULCAN1701: The Captain sometimes pauses in the wrong place when he speaks. It is a unique trait that I regard fondly when it occurs.
MalibuWaylon: That's cute. My guy bends his arms all the time so he elbows-out like a chicken. It looks funny, but to me it means *him*.
VULCAN1701: My Captain would sacrifice himself to save the ship. He has saved my life many times.
MalibuWaylon: Well, my guy is rather wealthy, which is largely due to his unconventional cunning... so I don't really think I could call him self-sacrificing ;-) But I'd give my life for *him* gladly.
MalibuWaylon: Actually, there was this one time when I thought I'd killed him. He fired me (that all worked out later) and I got drunk and angry and couldn't remember what I'd done
MalibuWaylon: and when I was coherent again, he had been shot and was in the hospital.
MalibuWaylon: Everyone, including me, thought I'd done it. I felt * awful*.
VULCAN1701: What had truly happened?
MalibuWaylon: Sorry for the delay... My eyes are getting misty.
MalibuWaylon: :-p
MalibuWaylon: An employee's baby daughter had accidentally pulled the trigger on him when he tried to take her lollipop
MalibuWaylon: Which is actually pretty funny when you think about it.
VULCAN1701: How unusual.
VULCAN1701: There was a terrible day once when I thought I had caused my Captain's death
VULCAN1701: Because of an unfortunate set of circumstances back home, we were forced to fight to the death. Due to my superior physical strength it was not long before I had throttled him. I was not myself at the time, but once I realized what I'd done, I wished not to live.
VULCAN1701: I returned to my ship prepared to end my life
MalibuWaylon: wow
VULCAN1701: Fortunately, the doctor had injected him with a compound that made the Captain only appear dead.
MalibuWaylon: Thank God.
VULCAN1701: Divinity had nothing to do with it. Thank Dr. McCoy.
MalibuWaylon: um
VULCAN1701: There he stood in Sickbay, no more dead than the sun.
MalibuWaylon: That's pretty incredible
VULCAN1701: It was all I could do not to seize him right there and devour his mouth
MalibuWaylon: How do you know he wouldn't have liked it?
VULCAN1701: It would be too much to risk.
MalibuWaylon: You two are close friends, right?
VULCAN1701: Correct, but he has never implied that intimate relations would be desirous to him.
MalibuWaylon: Have you ever heard of dropping hints?
VULCAN1701: Hints?
MalibuWaylon: Sending subtle signals that he'd only understand if he felt the same way.
VULCAN1701: Please provide an example.
MalibuWaylon: Well... once I said to Mr. Burns, "I love you!"
MalibuWaylon: But then he looked at me funny, so I added, "...in that shirt."
VULCAN1701: So you went undiscovered.
MalibuWaylon: Well, I think he knows anyway. But he doesn't care, even though he doesn't want it to go anywhere. It's become sort of irrelevant.
MalibuWaylon: Oh crap, I used his real name on the Internet.
VULCAN1701: I shall take your advice. Jim may not hate me even if he finds out, I suppose. His heart is big.
MalibuWaylon: And anything else....? ;-)
VULCAN1701: What?
MalibuWaylon: Is anything else big?
VULCAN1701: Are you referring to his sexual organs? I have no knowledge of the subject.
MalibuWaylon: You'll have to get back to me on that one. Good luck!
MalibuWaylon: Keep in touch, Vulcan. I have to go. He's calling to me.
MalibuWaylon: ;-)
VULCAN1701: Thank you for your conversation. You may have been more help than you realize.
MalibuWaylon: No prob!

MalibuWaylon has exited the room.

VULCAN1701: Hints...
VULCAN1701: I wonder.

JTKStarfleet has entered the room.

JTKStarfleet: Hi, room
JTKStarfleet: Holy shit.

JTKStarfleet has exited the room.

VULCAN1701 has exited the room.

**************************************************
The End... and the beginning? ;-)

~Farfalla


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