Title: The Subconscious Has a Logic All Its Own
Author: Farfalla
Email: blueberrysnail at yahoo
Website: http://spirk.cosmicduckling.com
Pairing: Kirk/Spock from Original Series Star Trek
Rating: R and twisted
Betas: Hypatia and Blue
Archive: SBS#9, ASCEM. Anywhere else please ask.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, the Voyage Home DVD would come with a 70-minute special feature of them making out. It does not; therefore it may be inferred that they belong to somebody else. Oh well! Oh, and dialogue is obviously not original (from TWOK), but well-used-- I hope.
Setting: A few nights before the 'mumbling widower' opening scene of Star Trek III

The Subconscious Has a Logic All Its Own

Admiral James T. Kirk feels the desperate, heart-pounding urgency as he slides down into the Enterprise engine room, his feet barely touching the floor. The room is a blur; all he sees is the body slumped over at the far edge of the reactor room behind a wall of cruel glass. He lunges at the vision but his friends hold him back, friends whose faces he cannot see. He will not accept what they tell him. Spock couldn't be dead. There was always some kind of second chance. Nothing so beautiful had a right to be destroyed!

Spock stumbles to his feet and falteringly finds his way back to his beloved. Blinded by the radiation, he seeks him out with his love instead. Kirk rushes to the wall and they collapse onto the floor together on either side of the partition. It splits Kirk in half, tearing him as the fire has already torn at Spock's face. Kirk is afraid to look-- what the sacrifice has done to his friend is terrible to see-- but he cannot turn away from the last vision he will ever have of Spock. Spock.... dearest Spock... he cannot die.


"Ship.... out of danger?" Spock gasps, seeking peace in validation.

Kirk nods in anguished awe. "Yes..."

"Do not grieve, Admiral. It is logical." Spock is fighting for these last few moments. "The needs of the many... outweigh..."

"The needs of the few."

"Or the one." They have finished the thought together. Spock's hand flies up to the glass, painfully, earnestly needing to feel the touch of the human hand that now mirrors it on the other side. How quickly everything has been lost! Every moment remaining is a teasing gift. "I never took the Kobayashi Maru test... until now. What do you think of my solution?"

"Spock..." Kirk gasps again. *Can't... lose... you!!*

"I have been... and always shall be... your friend... live long... and prosper...." Spock's hand in the Vulcan salute loses energy as his eyes finally close and he curls into a lifeless shell against the glass wall.

Kirk's mouth drops open and one syllable escapes. "No...." He leans into the glass and reaches for Spock's body. The partition melts away and Kirk gathers the lifeless body in his arms. He is inside the reactor chamber with Spock, and everything on the outside is a different universe, or simply not there. Spock is still warm, but seems oddly dull and heavy.

Kirk gently lays him down against the spotless floor that is suddenly soft as a cloud. His arms are wrapped tightly around the limp, jacketed shoulders. Light floods the area as Kirk leans in and gently kisses Spock's still, parched lips.

There is no response at first, but Kirk keeps trying anyway. And slowly, gradually, he feels movement in the mouth beneath his. Weakly at first, Spock kisses him back. Kirk calmly accepts this miracle, and lets him drink life from his lips.

Hours or seconds later, Kirk breaks the kiss so that he can kiss Spock's eyelids, one at a time. Spock will no longer be blind. He will be able to gaze into his beloved's eyes and swim in their hazel rivers, gaining strength there.

"Jim," Spock breathes in a husky whisper of disbelief.

"You will not die," is Kirk's reply. Their bodies meet, completely, and he is inside of him, thrusting gently but fully. Spock begins to breathe a little harder, a little healthier, and even begins to gasp weakly in pleasure. Kirk kisses the sides of Spock's neck and up over his face, healing every radiation burn with the fierceness of his love.

"Faster," Spock murmurs.

"You're going to live... Spock..."


"Never lose you..."

"Jim... "

"I love you...."


They come together more energetically now, life flowing back into Spock's body with each thrust. They are holding hands, and kissing, and mating, and breathing in the scent of each other, and floating in space.... there is a franticness that grabs at them both...

And when Jim comes, the essence of life pours into Spock. In his own orgasm, he regains his strength completely and rolls over on top of Jim, crushing his mouth into a kiss so intense it is almost like being eaten.

Jim pulls his incredibly alive lover on top of him and revels in the sensation of the weighty Vulcan body that has pinned him up against the surface of love. He feels in the back of his mind that he can't let Spock go, that if he relinquishes his tight-as-elastic embrace around Spock's back, something will go horribly wrong and Spock really *will* be dead. He tries harder.... but somehow he can't seem to hold on tight enough. Even as Spock's lips nibble at his, he feels his body start to disappear. Closer... if he could only hold him closer...

Dreams are impossible to capture, especially when you are trying your hardest. Kirk struggles to remain--

James T. Kirk wakes up in a world without Spock, and grieves. The space in the bed beside him is empty, and the voice that filled his heart will never be heard again. Why did the most precious creature in his universe have to be destroyed? The smell of Spock that is still on the pillows stings his eyes once, twice. Both times he fights back the burn of useless tears, but a few roll out anyway and make little wet spots on the bed.


Now that you're good and sad, go here to get happy again:
Kirk rescuing Spock in Star Trek III

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