Note: I know this is a little out-of-character and not realistic for other reasons, but when my partner busted out with this line while impersonating Spock for me one day, I just *had* to use it ;-)

Rated R. Beta-read by Blue. Warning: Very silly.
Summary: After 'Amok Time', suddenly Jim wants to learn to speak Vulcan...

Part of the 2002 Slash Advent Calendar and the Pon Farr Fest

Disclaimer: The entire Trek universe belongs to Paramount and will not suffer much from the poking and prodding of our curious collective imaginations. We mean our beloved characters no harm and think that quite possibly they enjoy the variety ;-)


by Farfalla
blueberrysnail (at)

A very naked Captain James T. Kirk clutched Commander Spock's bare shoulders, slick with sweat, as the Vulcan's powerful body met his again and again in the animalistic dance of mating. Thoughts flew through his head like radioactive butterflies, chased away rapidly by his exponentially growing arousal-- thoughts about how he had never been so turned on in his entire life, and how he had fallen in love with Spock but had never thought his friend cared for him that way until biology took charge, and how beautiful, how exquisitely beautiful, his First Officer was in moments of passion.

"Enjoying your pon farr, Mr. Spock?" Jim gasped playfully.

Spock's sultry response was a short but violently grunted torrent of almost incomprehensible Vulcan. He thrust rapidly into his Captain, embracing him with arms of wet steel. Jim's entire being glittered in ecstasy as they both climaxed.

"I love you," slipped from the Captain's lips.

Spock kissed him. He seemed calmer now, and his long eyelashes batted delicately. "Are you mine?" he asked in an awed whisper, as though he could not believe it. These words, at least, made more sense to Kirk than whatever Spock had shouted earlier.

Jim hugged his newly tender and sweet lover, and wondered at the biology that could appear so animal and rutting one moment, so romantic the next.

Later that day, while endlessly reliving their lovemaking in his mind on the bridge-shift, Jim remembered the strange alien words that Spock had called out. He wondered if they were important...

Uhura's melodious voice interrupted his reveries. "Captain, I'm getting a transmission from Vulcan. It's... it's Spock's wife!"

"Ex-wife, Lieutenant," Jim said liquidly. "On-screen." He was grateful Spock was elsewhere.

The image of the stoic T'Pring filled the viewscreen. "Captain Kirk," she said calmly in that same voice that had almost condemned him earlier.

"T'Pring," greeted Kirk with a cold smile.

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior on Vulcan," she said.

Kirk's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Thank you... madame. I wasn't sure you'd noticed!"

T'Pring, a typical Vulcan, didn't look as though she were embarrassed. "That was a very clever trick, Captain Kirk."

"It was Dr. McCoy's idea, actually," said Kirk.

"Something is on your mind, Captain?" T'Pring almost interrupted.

A wild idea suddenly occurred to Kirk. Here was a Vulcan who could translate Spock's words from the night before... he'd no desire to ask Spock himself, since the whole experience of pon farr, with its loss of the worshipped control, seemed to humiliate him beyond belief. (Thank goodness that a relationship was welcome, on the other hand!)

"T'Pring, before you go... can you... translate something for me?"

"Certainly, Captain. Consider it my apology."

Kirk repeated the words as best he could. T'Pring listened carefully. Uhura fidgeted.

Then T'Pring spoke. Lieutenant Uhura fell out of her chair.

"The words mean, 'Shut up and take it like a man, Captain'," she said, without batting an eyelash.