Spooging on Captain Kirk is a developing series of shorts revolving around the variety of cumshots in Jim's life. This is a parody based on Lyrastar's Kissing Captain Kirk drabble series, written by Farfalla. The Kirk/Spock mentions are canon; everything else is conjecture on my part.

Suggestions for more characters are always welcome.

And a word of caution:  Actual pairings my differ from what the title suggests.
SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK:  Dr. Leonard H. McCoy 


Kirk walked jauntily into his cabin. Spock met him at the doorway with kisses.

After a few moments, Spock pulled away and nuzzled Jim's cheek, sniffing curiously. Then he probed a drying sticky spot with one finger. "You have been busy, t'hy'la."

Jim chuckled decadently. "Oh, Spock. You know I've never been one to deny any man the blowjob he deserves."

"I see," Spock observed. "And on whom was this honor bestowed today?"

"Guess!"

"Vulcans do not guess," Spock said haughtily, "we propose educated hypotheses. I presume it was Dr. McCoy, judging from the..." Another sniff. "...aroma of peaches."

"Bingo!"

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Montgomery Scott

Scotty clutched the machinery, his hands tightening with every thrust into Jim Kirk's mouth. "Yess...."

"Warn me," the captain had admonished him beforehand. Nobody liked having semen going down the wrong pipe, and Jim was taking it pretty deep.

And so Scotty was careful to gasp, "Jim!.... half a minute'll do, lad...."

Jim signaled understanding with his eyes. He rearranged Scott's erection, which fell out of his mouth accidentally.

Slipping through the tightness of Jim's wet lips brought Scotty unexpectedly to climax. Thick white fluid spurted over the captain's face.

True to form, Scott had finished quicker than his estimate.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Pavel Chekov

"I saw you and the captain sneaking out of a Jeffries tube together yesterday," Sulu whispered to Chekov conspiritorially during their bridge shift. "What was going on in there?"

Chekov put his lips close to Sulu's ear and said something almost inaudible.

Sulu's reaction was anything but inaudible. "You're kidding! The *Captain*? I'd have thought you were doing that to *him*!"

"That's vat ewerybody alvays tinks!" Chekov snorted indignantly.

"Well, it's because you're only an ensign," Sulu said apologetically.

"Things are different vere I come from."

"In Leningrad?" Sulu asked. "What do you mean?"

"In Soviet Russia, keptin blows ~you~!"

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Nurse Christine Chapel

"Who's that from?" McCoy asked casually, looking at the powdery white stain on Jim's trousers.

"Nurse Chapel," said Jim smugly.

"Chapel??" The doctor's eyes widened. Kirk could show up with cum stains from any man on board, but for Chapel to leave stains like that she had to be packing something extra. "Something she isn't telling us?"

"Nothing like that, Bones. That just happens to some women when they come."

"Really?"

"She knows other tricks. She can even smoke a cigarette with it."

"Unbelievable!"

"I'm serious."

"She should be ashamed. She's a nurse! She knows how bad those things are."

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu

Sulu struggled to keep steady the sword pointed at Captain Kirk's neck, poised to strike. This was a bit difficult, because Sulu's concentration was being pushed beyond the breaking point.

"Don't you bite down, Cardinal Richelieu! I am a musketeer, like my father before me!"

Kirk didn't say anything at first. His mouth was full.

Then he spoke. "You know, you can put that away. I'd finish anyway." He smiled at his pilot with a winning grin.

Sulu shrugged. "I know, but where's the fun in that? Besides. I think of it as bringing the Catholic Church to its knees."

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Mirror Spock

Mirror Spock's eyes of cold, penetrating flame swept across the misplaced Enterprise officers like a volley of machine-gun fire. As he approached the defiant foursome, he lifted his hands to his fly and quickly whipped out his pulsing green shaft.

Kirk's heart beat a little faster and his face flushed. Apparently this was a true Mirror Universe. He leaned forward slightly in anticipation, wondering if pre-Reform Vulcan spunk tasted any different.

But the bearded Spock strode over to McCoy instead, and let it fly across the doctor's tunic.

Kirk gaped. "We have to get back to our own world, PRONTO!"


SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Harcourt Fenton Mudd

Harry Mudd was getting a little too excited as he showed off his collection of plastic beauties to the shanghai'd Enterprise crew. Well, so what? He was king here, after all. He felt no qualms about cheerfully fondling himself in front of everyone.

Captain Kirk, exhausted from so much monotonously feminine beauty, bounded over to watch with relief. Mudd's fat, sweaty hands slapped his own skin; Kirk was transfixed. He drew closer. The other crewmembers discreetly avoided looking. The androids didn't matter.

Mudd finished, and realized he'd come across Kirk's smiling face.

"Here's Mudd in your eye!" he shouted.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Captain Benjamin Sisko

"I finally managed to clear those filthy tribbles out of my bar," Quark told Jadzia when he handed her her third drink. "They were everywhere, Jadzia. I hope at least that you had fun back there in the twenty-third century."

"Oh, I did," Jadzia affirmed. "We all did! Has Benjamin showed you the autograph he got from Captain James Kirk?"

Quark's eyes widened. "No! Sounds like a valuable collector's item. How did he get it?"

"He didn't give me the details," Jadzia said, pouring the contents of the glass down her spotted throat. "Something about giving Kirk a DNA sample?"

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Reputation

"I inwented a new drink," Chekov announced proudly.

Scotty leaned over, resting on the bar. "Let's hear it, lad!"

Chekov grinned mischeviously. "It's called the 'Keptin Kirk'."

Scotty smirked. He felt he knew what was coming. "And what d'ye put into it?"

Chekov picked up a shotglass and started playing with bottles. "Wodka, of course," he began, "sugar, heawy cream, and a salted rim. And it must be drunk a special vay."

Scotty chuckled. "May I?"

Chekov hesitated bashfully, then flung the contents of the drink on Scotty's face. They both laughed heartily, as Chekov began to lick it off.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Ensign Mary Sue

"Oh, Captain!" Ensign Mary Sue moaned to the man delicately lapping at her quivering pussy. She couldn't believe her incredible luck.

"Please, darling, call me Jim," he said into her labia. His nose nuzzled her mound as he busily licked her clitoris.

"Jim," she corrected accomodatingly. "Jimmm....!" Her voice was charming and doll-like.

The bucking of her hips increased in intensity, and soon she was humping his face in orgasm. Huge smears of apple-scented girljuice glistened from his face. "Damn, you're good!" she gasped, clutching the sheets.

"Oh, I just know what a girl likes," Janice Lester told her confidently.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Dr. Janice Lester

"She must be punished." Lester circled the conference room in Kirk's body. "She's attempting to impersonate an officer and incite mutiny!!"

She-Kirk sat calmly in the testifier's chair. "*She* is the real Kirk," Spock insisted.

"She must be put in her place," Lester sneered, approaching the chair. As the court watched, she took out Kirk's penis and masturbated on the woman's face. Without meaning to, the Jim-woman moaned and leaned into the spray of cum.

Scotty and McCoy looked at each other knowingly. Sulu and Chekov seized Lester and held her arms behind her back.

"We believe you, Mr. Spock!"

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Admiral Lori Ciani

"Spock...."

"I can't take this anymore," Lori Ciani shouted, jumping off the bed. She stormed into the hallway, a hollow strap-on bouncing violently between her hips. "You need help!"

Kirk lay naked and satiated on the bed. The eggnog from the strap-on was glazing over on his face and chest, where Lori had squirted it at his request. "Lori! At least stay for lunch...." he pleaded halfheartedly, knowing she was already dressed and gone.

Lori was as far as the lobby when she glimpsed her reflection and noticed something. She glowered, and ripped off the fake pointed ears with disgust.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Spock

Spock had returned from Gol, and Kirk was overjoyed. In his quarters, he welcomed the man he loved most with a stupendous blowjob. With Spock's fingers across his face, locking them into a meld, he could talk with his mouth full.

//I once said that you're closer to me than anyone in the universe. Be my bondmate.//

//Yes, I will always be yours// Spock's thoughts cried as he ejaculated on Kirk's smiling face.

There were two reasons Kirk could be on his knees and ecstatic: sucking cock and proposing marriage; right now he was lucky to have both at once.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Ambassador Sarek

"In order to marry my son, you must prove that you are a worthy bondmate for a Vulcan man." Sarek's tone was regal and imposing.

"I'm a Starfleet Admiral," James Kirk began. "I was the youngest captain in the fleet. With the help of my crew I've saved countless planets from destruction, including my own, Earth. I was educated at--"

"That is not what I must know," Sarek interrupted.

Kirk looked up.

"A Vulcan man's bondmate must be able to perform good oral sex. Attend me, Admiral."

Kirk's expression changed to boyish glee. "Oh, is that all, Ambassador? My *pleasure*!"

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Spock II

"A giant Spock? It must be my birthday! I'm sure it's March 22nd somewhere."

Jim hugged the gargantuan penis like a body-pillow, snuggling between the ridges, rubbing his whole body into the head. Then, he stuck his own erection into Spock II's urethra, lubricated by the giant Vulcan's precum.

Spock was happy, because Keniclius V had selected him as the perfect individual.

Kirk was happy, because he'd been drenched from head to toe in Vulcan spunk.

And Spock II was happy, because as a thank-you he'd been left a cloned Kirk II to cuddle for the rest of their lives.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Saavik

Admiral Kirk undraped the bathrobe from his body and turned on the hot water. His shower was luxuriously equipped with a skylight window high in the roof. It was cracked open, allowing steam to vent out and not fill the bathroom.

Thirteen-year-old Saavik watched from her secret perch behind the skylight. Precariously poised on the roof, she masturbated as she watched her mentor's mate soap up his belly. Her orgasm was silent but vigorous, female fluids dripping from her labia and leaking through the vent in the glass.

As he toweled off, Jim wondered why he smelled of Vulcan pussy.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Khan Noonien Singh

Khan glared across the Nebula at his nemesis. The Enterprise had won, even with his superior intellect and superhuman strength. How could this be?

With insane rage, he stumbled to the Genesis Device controls and activated it. Watching the countdown triumphantly, he undid his fly for one last go.

His eyes were on the Enterprise as he pumped. "For hell's sake, I thrust at thee." For him, the ship was Kirk himself, now supplicant and broken at his feet. "For hate's sake, I jizz my last load at thee."

Except, Kirk was faster, and the Enterprise shot her wad first.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: George the Whale

Admiral Kirk was fished out of San Francisco Bay by his friends and deposited on board the shuttlecraft sent to pick up the heroes. They huddled under blankets to keep warm, laughing with relief that the whales were able to safely dismiss the probe back to whence it came.

Gillian wrinkled her nose when she approached Kirk. Surely not--?

"What's the matter, Gillian?"

"I'm sorry," she stammered. "For a moment, I thought I smelled.... whale semen!"

"You did."

"What?"

But he had already gone to the other side of the shuttle with Spock, and disturbing them would have been rude.

SPOOGING ON CAPTAIN KIRK: Slash pine (Pinus elliotii)

Dr. McCoy sneezed again. "Damn pine pollen! You'd think by now we'd be able to prevent allergies forever."

"It does not bother me," Spock said, to be contrary, but he kept brushing the dust from his shirt compulsively. He liked a clean shirt.

"Should have hiked somewhere else," McCoy muttered. "Sorry I steered you wrong."

"What's the matter, you two? Hurry up!" Kirk called from a few yards up. He was scampering through the brush like a young goat.

McCoy looked at Spock. "Trust him to be happy when he's covered in sperm."

"Of any kind," Spock nodded in agreement.

GOTO KIRK/SPOCK
GOTO MAIN
GO TO SLUTFEST